Oh, Brother
by Hermy Puckle
Summary: COMPLETE: Snape has a baby brother. A fit one at that. Hermione decides she wants him and enlists Snape's help to set them up. Snape agrees too readily. What's he up to?
1. Of Suspicions and First Dates

Disclaimer: Insert appropriate retort here.

* * *

I eyed the man in front of me. In his thirties, Icarus stood a full head taller than me with a lean build. A long, hooked nose perfectly accentuated his face, giving him the air of intelligence. Here, looking as fit as Beckham, was Severus Snape's baby brother. 

Icarus smiled down at me, an action that caused me to actually breathe, '_Whoa . . .' _Fortunately, I realised how idiotic I sounded and was able to reset my shoulders and throw my head back. In a forward voice, I stated, 'Pleased to meet you, Icarus. I'm Hermione Granger. I wish I could say I've heard so much about you but . . .'

'You haven't?' He seemed absolutely startled to hear this. 'Sev's usually quite the chatterbox.'

We were in the corridor, just after hours. I was busy patrolling the third floor when these two rounded the corner. Snape'd merely glared at me but my curiosity was piqued ('A Hermione curious is not to be derailed,' my father always joked) so I walked right over there and started asking Snape about the upcoming meeting we were to attend. Glaring all the while at me, and clearly onto my ploy, Snape had begrudgingly introduced Icarus.

If the fact that Snape had a sexy brother (or more?) hiding wasn't big enough a shock, Icarus' words were. 'Really?' I tried to sound casual but try as I might, I still sounded like the neighbourhood gossip who'd just heard a tasty tidbit. You know, it had that _do tell . . . do tell . . . _ring to it.

Snape—Severus—glared at his brother and rolled his eyes over to me. 'He was being sarcastic, Miss Granger.'

I looked at Icarus, in case Snape was lying to cover up his inner-talkativeness. Icarus laughed. 'I'm afraid I was. Sarcasm . . . it's our families largest shame. Thankfully, Severus got the blunt force of it.' He grinned at his brother, who gave a weak, barely tolerating smirk in response.

'I don't know . . .' I said, doing what I consciously recognised as flirting (_not_ my strong point). 'I actually find sarcasm kind of attractive.'

Both men stared down at me as though I'd just informed them I was actually Harry Potter under Polyjuice. Then they looked at each other, questioningly.

What'd I say?

Still not knowing what I did wrong, I fervently tried to backpedal. 'Er, you know. Like Eddie Izard.' _Nod like a deranged bobble-head. That's a girl._

Silence.

'Well, I've got to . . . finish my rounds.' I made a show of looking at my watch. Then I realised what time it was. 'Oh! Apparently I don't. Well, it's off to bed then. Nice to meet you, Icarus. . . I'll see you tomorrow, Snape. Er, I guess I can't really call you that can I? Now that there are two of you. Well, there have been two of you for quite some time. But now that I _know_ there are two of you.' Then I laugh like a mad loon.

Without a word, I quickly turn on my heel and head in the opposite direction, regardless if it isn't toward my quarters. Oh, Zeus, Merlin, _whomever_, I've made a total fool of myself in front of Snape's very fit brother.

As I stride down an empty corridor, I mentally try to figure out how to do some damage control.

---------

Upon sleeping I realised that it wasn't as bad as it seemed and I was capable of walking into the Great Hall looking as though nothing had happened. Snape was at the table, but his brother was nowhere to be found. I didn't even know, I realised dejectedly, if Icarus was even in Europe still; he could have gone back to wherever he came.

So, naturally, I took a well-placed seat next to Sna-Severus. He didn't even pay any mind. Minerva, on the other side of me, was pleasantly surprised at my seating choice.

'Well, hello, Hermione. How are you doing this morning?'

I smiled in response. 'Good. Slept well. You?'

We made polite chatter until Filius bustled up and informed Minerva of some important matter. As soon as she was gone, I turned to Snape, just as he was standing up.

'Aren't you going to eat?' I asked. He didn't even look at me as he grabbed his cup of coffee.

'Papers to grade.' And he stalked off.

Poo. No matter, no matter. I'd just have to catch him when he couldn't run away from me.

Thankfully, that time came that night. I didn't have patrol duty but S-Severus did. The schedules were posted in the meeting room and his patrol started at ten and ended at midnight.

So, at half-past ten, I hunted him down. Near the Slytherin common room, I saw him arguing with Sir Cadogan.

'Severus?'

He looked up and Sir Cadogan harrumphed off. Severus's eyes narrowed at the sight of me and his back stiffened. 'Miss Granger . . .' he ground out, as though trying very (very) hard not to hex me.

Hopefully it wasn't me calling him Severus.

'I was just on my way back from the kitchen. You have patrol tonight?' My voice was light and airy as I approached him. Tall and intimidating, he glared in response.

Ok . . .

'I can't sleep. Do you mind if I walk with you?' I smiled innocently.

Standing this close, I realised how very tall he was. Up until this point, Snape and I hadn't spoken two Knuts worth to each other, as a sort of conflict-avoidance on both our parts. So our time spent together was limited to meals and meetings and the occasional pass-by in the corridor.

But now . . . well, he wasn't anywhere near _Hagrid's_ size. In fact, he only topped out a few inches over the six foot mark. But I guess it was how he held himself that made him so imposing.

I composed myself.

Finally, his teeth grinding, he replied, 'I hardly will be able to stop you.' Then he began walking down the perpendicular hall, taking large strides, clearly hoping I wouldn't be able to keep up. He was almost right.

Almost.

Reading books all day does not a fit person make.

'So . . .' I breathed. 'You had a brother . . . I never knew.'

'Hm.'

'Did any of the rest of the staff . . . know?' Damn, he could walk fast!

'No.'

'Why not?' It was a simple question. A question that caused him to stop walking and turn to me.

He opened his mouth as though about to speak—probably to chastise me for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong—but then closed it and briskly resumed walking.

Ok, game still on.

'So, how old is he? Your brother? You said he was younger than you but I couldn't tell by how much.'

He grumbled, 'Eight.'

'Pardon?'

'He's eight years younger than me.'

Oh. 'So how old are _you_?'

'Too old.'

During this entire thing, Snape was keeping up his brisk pace and staring straight ahead, his replies shot out like a whip.

And he wasn't going to budge on the age thing. That was all right; I could just ask Minerva later.

Next question. 'What is he doing in town?'

'Trying to find a new whore. His other one died from wear.' He executed it perfectly, without a hesitation or waver of voice.

It caused me to stop in my tracks. Not that I believed him, no. But because it was a joke. I wasn't sure if Sn—Severus _did_ joke. And well, too.

My stopping had caused him to get quite far ahead of me. I had to run to catch up to him.

'That was funny, Severus.'

'Hm.'

I was beginning to feel as though I were once again a talkative nine-year-old and he an adult who wasn't really listening.

'Do you mind if I called you Severus?'

'You'll do it anyway.' He was sounding increasingly irritated.

'So, is Icarus married or dating anyone?' _Smooth_.

Or not.

Severus stopped once again and, again, turned to face me. Only this time he was completely irate. 'No, Miss Granger.'

I couldn't keep the doofy smile off my face. 'He's not?'

Groaning. 'N—that's not what I was saying. You are pumping me for information so you can go after him.'

_Wide eyes, eyelashes batting, lips pouted—don't look him in the eyes!_ Innocence. 'I don't know what you me—'

'Don't even try to deny it' He snapped, cutting me off. 'You are _not_ a good actress. You like my brother—I saw how you made eyes at him last night. It was disgusting! And since I have the misfortune to be your link, you've been up my arse, practically stalking me all day. I am _not _going to help you in any way.'

I couldn't even lie anymore. 'Ok, fine. You are right.'

He drawled, 'I am? A shock.'

Then I tried an entire different approach, one Harry would have called suicidal.

I tried to reason with him. 'But I'm not asking you to help me, _per se_. I just want information.'

'It's still helping.' He crossed his arms and cast his entire army of hatred on me.

'Just a simple yes or no. Is he dating anyone?'

'I won't help, Miss Granger.'

'Please?'

'Begging isn't very becoming of you.'

'Why won't you help me?'

'No. _No,_ he isn't dating anyone. Now go away.' He started walking again, a proverbial black cloud over his head.

I raced after him. 'Did he happen to mention me?'

Flipping around so that I nearly ran into him, he grabbed my shoulders. 'I thought you were going to leave me alone after I answered your one question.'

'I never said that.' I just realised I'd pulled a Slytherin. Oops. _Bwahaha_.

I could have sworn he was going to hex me at that moment. Instead, he demanded, 'Why my brother? Why not someone else's? Someone who _isn't_ related to me. Think, Miss Granger, would you really want _me_ as a brother-in-law?'

The image of Harry visiting at Hogwarts with Ginny and me saying 'Have you met Severus, my brother?' was almost too hilarious to not share. I pressed down the urge to do so, however.

Oh, and answered his question.

'I'm not interested in anyone else at the moment.'

'What's so special about my brother, though?' His words were softer, and completely confused.

It was almost . . . cute.

Ignoring the heat on my face, I explained, 'Well, he seems intelligent and he's nice. Funny, too. Oh, and he's very attractive. Nice hair and lips. Oh, and his body—'

'Stop, stop!' His eyes were closed, as though trying to squeeze out the image. 'He's thirty-two and unmarried with only one serious relationship under his belt. The two are now friends, before you ask; he prefers short, intelligent women and if you stop bugging me—and for the love of Merlin, don't talk about him in my presence—I'll do more than give you all the information you need to know; I'll try to sell you to him.'

'Sell me?'

'Tell him your finer points and perhaps . . .' the way he hesitated informed me he knew he'd regret his next words. 'Perhaps I'll even try to arrange for the two of you to run into each other more often.'

I gawped. I couldn't help it. I mean, I'd never once hoped Snape'd be this helpful and all I had to do was talk about his brother. 'Oh, you are the greatest wizard to live! A heart of gold, you have!'

Wearily, he told my (or rather, my ear), 'Just go to bed, Miss Granger.' He released his grip, large, heavy-handed grip, from my shoulders.

I started to comply, simply too happy to protest being talked to as though I were five, but something nagged at me. I turned to find him watching me leave. 'Wait . . . what are you going to say about me?'

'I'll tell him the truth: you are a nosy, bossy know-it-all who has the constant need to prove herself right.'

Normally I'd deny these claims but right now that blissful feeling was clouding my argumentative skills. 'Goodnight, Severus.'

'Goodnight.'

---------

True to Severus's word, Icarus appeared at breakfast the next morning. Unfortunately, I was running quite late at this time and barely brushed my hair, which was now starting to frizz from my morning shower. And it was too dense to use a drying spell.

So, looking like an angry chipmunk, I sat down a few seats from Severus and nearly choked on my porridge when I looked over at him.

Icarus was talking animatedly to his brother, who was listening with disinterest. Then both men simultaneously looked at me and smiled. Well, Icarus smiled. Snape just kind of gave me a knowing look. I stared at my plate the rest of breakfast.

I had a total of two classes that day and just after my second one adjourned, there was a knock on the classroom door.

'Come in.' I figured it'd be a student and simply returned my attention to grading the students' _Muggles' Greatest Achievements_ essays.

'I can come back at a better time . . .' A rich, deep voice hesitated. I looked up to find Icarus standing there in a white button-down shirt and black trousers, his jet-black hair hanging in his eyes. Dark eyes that directly matched his brother's.

_Close your mouth, you fool!_ 'Er, no, no, it's all right. What can I do for you?' I tried to sound casual and calm.

'Actually . . .' he smiled. 'I seem to be hearing your name wherever I go.' I blushed. _Oh, Severus, what did you do?_ 'So I wanted to ask if you'd like to have supper with my brother and I tonight. He'll be cooking.'

_Severus, you are a very beautiful person_. I made a mental note to slap Harry next time I saw him, for all his negative comments toward the man. 'I'd . . . I'd like that.'

Another enigmatic smile. _His_ teeth, I noted, were pearly white. 'Fantastic. I'll come get you around seven then?'

'Perfect. See you.' I smiled at his arse the entire stretch of my classroom as he walked away. Then, as soon as the door shut, I ran to my quarters, shrieking the password at the statue of Gilmer the Glandular. Grabbing a handful of floo powder, I all but fell into the fireplace.

'Number fifteen Augustine Lane!' I spun until I thought I was going to be sick. Before that could happen, I was in Ginny's flat.

'Hermione!' she started, and tried to get off the sofa. But an enormous stomach impeded her efforts. With a grunt, she gave up. 'You frightened me!'

'I'm sorry, Ginny,' I told her. 'I'm not usually the sort to gossip like this but I really couldn't help it.'

'Gossip?' While Ginny didn't spread rumours or gossip, and scarcely believed them, she loved hearing them. 'Sit, sit! Do tell!' She seemed especially excited now, probably because if _**I**_ were to divulge it, it had to be big.

I took a deep breath. 'Snape has a brother.'

Her eyes did a magical thing just then; they grew to three times their size. 'No. Way.'

'He does. And his brother is _fit_.'

They grew even larger. In a quiet breath, she said, 'You are joking, right?'

I shook my head. 'No. He's funny and nice too.'

'Are you sure they are related?'

'Who's related?' Harry entered the room, casting a caring glance in Ginny's direction. 'And Hermione, nice to see you.' He came to a stop behind the couch and put his hands on the back, on either side of his wife's head.

Ginny tilted her head back to look up at him. 'Snape has a brother who's fit and nice and funny.'

'Are you sure they're related?'

'That's what I said.'

Ooh, now that Harry was here . . . 'Once more, Severus offered to try to set us up.'

'What??' Both eyes were HUGE now, though Harry sounded instantly suspicious.

Ginny, however, looked confused. 'He did not!'

Quite chuffed, I explained, '. . . And he offered to try to "sell" me and get us to bump into each other more often.'

Harry cued in. 'I don't know Hermione . . . how do you know he didn't just say that to get you off his back?'

'I'm quite sure that's the reason.' Harry looked smug. 'But he was true to his word. Icarus came and asked me to dinner for tonight.'

Harry no longer looked smug. _I _did.

Ginny looked quite alarmed and pleased at the same time. 'You . . . have a date . . . with Snape's brother . . . and he's ok with this? Snape is, I mean?'

I shrugged. 'Probably not; he seemed really annoyed when I was asking him about Icarus, but I guess he's just going to let what will be, be.'

Muttering to herself, she repeated, 'Snape's brother . . . Snape's brother, _Snape's brother?'_ It was as though the two words were causing her _déjà vu_.

Harry took the reigns. 'Well . . . as suspicious as this is, I guess I'd say have a good time? Is he taking you out to dinner?'

'No, Severus is going to cook for us.'

'He is?!' Harry shouted. Ginny was still muttering. 'Are you serious?'

'Yes. Icarus said.'

Harry hurried to my side. 'Hermione, you've got to be careful. I don't trust this at all. What if Snape puts something in your food?'

'Oh, Harry, he won't.' At his disbelieving expression, I added, 'I'll see to it, all right? I've got to get back; I have a class starting in a few minutes. Bye Harry. Bye Ginny.' The former bid me goodbye. The latter was still mumbling to herself, 'Snape's brother?'

Shaking my head, I flooed back. I wouldn't recommend flooing and shaking your head at the same time. Causes dizziness.

The rest of the day could hardly be spent thinking of anything other than my approaching dinner. As soon as the hand hit six, I rushed to get ready.

. . . And slapped myself shortly thereafter. I should have accepted the fact that for the rest of my life, it'll be plain clothing for me. However, I should have bought a few outfits and dresses to wear on dates. I had nothing. Except . . . the dress my grandmum had made for me.

Quite the seamstress, she gave it to me two birthdays ago, before she passed away. She said every girl would need that little black dress (she was a bit old fashioned) and since I didn't have one, made it for me. It was my only hope.

I tried it on.

It was clingy but not slaggish or revealing. It fit me perfectly and somehow made me look . . . sexy.

'Grandmum, times like these make me wonder if you _didn't_ have magic powers,' I mused as I was unable to keep my eyes off my reflection.

Ah but the hair.

Damn.

And the dress! I couldn't wear the dress! Snape'd be there! He'd make fun of me and I'd be over-dressed. Grandmum's little black dress would wait.

Damndamndamndamn.

In panic, I flooed to Madame Malkin's. The raven-haired elder witch looked up from her counter, where she was counting money. 'Good evening. You've come _just_ before closing time.' Her tone was both cheery and weary.

'Madame, I need your help.' And so I explained my predicament. One thing I realised was that people can work miracles, if you only ask them.

She grabbed snatches of fabric and arranged them about my person, pins sticking out of her mouth as though she were the human pincushion. In under thirty minutes, she'd assembled something and sewed it together. It was so quick I didn't get a chance to even look at it. But it was my last and final hope. I had the bag in hand and asked how much I owed.

'Oh, nothing dear.'

What? 'No, I must pay you for doing this last-minute like that,' I insisted.

She shook her head and smiled. 'I was happy to do it. But if you won't relent, just tell Icarus and Severus I said hello.'

Still in too much of a panic to wonder at her request, I thanked her and flooed to Hogwarts.

The outfit was perfect. It was dressy but not over-dressed. The hem was split in an inverted 'v' sexily, but still non-revealing.

I loved that woman.

Still left the hair though. Sleekeazy's would have to do. I grabbed my old bottle (from my fourth year) and applied it.

Crisis!

The product was old and expired—my stupidity!—and instead of smoothing out the frizz, made my hair hard as diamonds. Feverishly, I evanescoed the product out of my hair. Thankfully, it worked—

Just as there was a knock on the door.

With naught for anything else, I tied a bunch around my hair, pulling tightly. So my hair smoothed into the bunch and behind was a frizzy brown halo. It'd have to do.

I answered the door trying not to seem breathless. 'Oh, hello, I'm ready.'

He smiled and looked me from head to toe. 'You look lovely.' Then he looked suddenly stern. 'Come on, Severus doesn't like us being late.'

Ah. I knew that feeling.

We walked in silence for a bit—I purposefully led him the long way—until he broke it.

'Severus tells me he used to be your professor.' It was light and conversational, but there was still that undertone of an inquiry.

I nodded at the question-which-didn't-seem-like-a-question. 'He did. Potions and then in sixth year, Defense against Dark Arts.'

'Yeah. How'd that go?'

I couldn't help but laugh at his innocent question. 'Do you want the diplomatic answer or the truth?'

'Truth.' More grinning. I wondered idly if Severus would look like that if he smiled once and a while.

'Well, Severus is a . . . he's quite . . . he was strict, and at times, unfair. But he knew what he was talking about and really challenged us while believing we weren't capable. Even now he's rude and a bit of a bully. That's why _you_ came as quite a shock. For some reason, I figured him an enigma. Even though I new he had a mum, I just figured he didn't have any family at all. And he's quite protective over you.'

His eyebrow shot up, just as his brother's would. 'Oh? What makes you say that?'

I chose my words carefully. 'He . . . wasn't happy with our meeting. Acted as though I was Jack the Ripper and you a common whore.' I cringed, realising how that sounded. He, however, found it hilarious.

'I see.'

My turn. 'I'm sorry, I have to ask. What was he like as a child?'

He chuckled knowingly and I realised he was as unreadable as the subject of our conversation. 'Well . . . he was quiet. Our father wasn't nice and I'm afraid he took the blunt of it. In fact, our father treated me just fine. So Snape didn't speak and was more introspective, though I suspect he'd be like that regardless of his upbringing. He was suspicious of everyone, too. Paranoid, almost. But smart and I was always so jealous of him, you know? He is _so_ smart, it's unreal. You know . . .' we descended a roving staircase. 'When I saw you a few nights ago, I was even more jealous.'

'Why?' I could hear my mum chastising me for my bluntness.

'Well, I saw you come up to him, all smiles and I thought to myself, "Wow, Severus even gets the girl. It's not _fair_."'

I gawped. He thought I was flirting with _Severus_! 'No, no . . . good thing he set you straight.'

He said nothing. We'd reached an ominous black door that I recognised as the entry to Severus's office. But when we walked in, the set-up was entirely different. Actually, it wasn't an office any more. It was, in fact, a dining room, with a doorway through which I could see a kitchen. Snape strode out and seeing my expression, explained, 'There was a definite reason I kept this office even when Slughorn had my post. This room is transfigurable. Much like the Room of Requirement. Except it has set rooms: an office, a bedroom with adjoining bath and sitting room, and this.' Without another word, he turned around and went out the room from which he came.

'Quite the conversationalist, isn't he?' I asked Icarus. He chuckled. Then something that Harry'd said leapt to my conscious. 'Could you excuse me for a moment? I have to ask Severus something.' He nodded and I went through the door.

The kitchen was surprisingly large, shrimping the dining room. Mixing something on a hot stove, stood Snape, dressed in you-guessed-it black. He said, without turning around, 'It will be ready soon.'

'Severus . . .' I paused and tried to figure out how best to say what I wanted to say.

He turned and gave me a long look.

'Erm, I just wanted . . .' I moved to stand next to him, and he resumed his attention on the food he was stirring. To his profile, I continued, 'I just . . . You aren't planning on using any sort of potions in the food, are you?'

Amused, he looked at me. 'Like what?'

Er . . . good question. 'Like, love potions, or something.'

'That . . . would be illegal.'

'Yes, because you _always_ follow the rules, without question.' I had sneered it, sarcastically. And I feared he'd get angry and I was _so_ grateful to him.

But, to my shock, he inclined his head toward the pasta—I could see now—in a way that seemed to mean, _you have a point_. 'I suppose you are right. But, I won't be using anything in either one of your dishes, love potion or not. I even decided against sage, satisfied?'

I nodded, embarrassed, and returned to my actual date.

* * *

A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot but it grew . . . : D 

Icarus is forty in this fic. Icarus would be 32 then.

Madame Malkin is important.

Icarus is Severus's only sibling.

And, for a living, Icarus is the crafter of such brooms as the Firebolt. Thus his name.

Chapter two (the last chapter) may or may not be DH-compliant.


	2. Of Pasta and New Friends

Oh, Brother (Ch. II)

Disclaimer: JKR owns Snape, Hermione, etc. Icarus, however, is MINEMINEMINE. However, if you ask v. nice-like, I might lend him to you.

A/N: ZOMG I updated. Who is shocked more than I am? NOBODY, that's who. My NY's resolution is to try to get all of these finished. Sorry to all of the readers who have been waiting for this for nearly a year. BIGlove to all of you. Now, I'll quit babbling (until the end) so you can get to reading!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 

_The story so far . . . _

_On rounds, Hermione ran into Snape and a 'mysterious' and fit person. Turns out, he's Snape's brother. And boy, does Hermione have it bad for him. She manages to irritate Snape into helping her snare Icarus. The latter even invites Hermione for dinner (cooked by Snape). Hermione manages to get a dress (from Madame Malkin) and show up on time._

Onward . . . 

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_  
_By the time dinner was served, I was a puddle of happy Hermione goo.

I spent the entire time babbling to Icarus like a complete loon as he sat, as silent as his brother, watching me. Listening too, I hope. At least, he looked amused (and I _think_ I told amusing stories - I don't remember, honestly). I'd ask him questions too, of course. Mostly about his childhood, where he went to school (Hogwarts) and his brother.

But mostly, I babbled. All with this loopy grin smeared all over my face.

Can you blame me, honestly? I mean, here I am sitting with this very attractive man and might possibly be snogging him later.

Of course, if it were up to me, I'd be snogging him _now_. However, I must not act like a slag.

Oh, and Icarus has yet to make a move. Then again, he does have his brother in the next room.

And I don't really want to have Snape/Severus walk in on us. That would be mortifying.

Plus, he'd probably accuse me of molesting his brother and hex me in half.

So I deigned to being the epitome of lady-likeness (minus the excessive talking). It was when I was in the middle of rambling (hopefully, not saying what was on my mind, as dictated above) when Snape walked in, two plates floating behind him.

I looked down as one landed in front of me. It was some sort of pasta that smelt of basil and garlic and all around deliciousness. If I weren't supposed to be a lady, I would have inhaled all of it.

But I merely ogled.

Oh yeah, I am good.

Then I noticed Snape opening the door to the hallway.

'Where are you going?' I asked, grimacing as it came out as a demand.

He turned to glower at me. 'Rounds, not that it's any of your business.'

But we got the list two days ago, the new one. He didn't have rounds. Not then, at least.

I realised what he was doing just as the door shut behind him.

'Excuse me again,' I told Icarus, apologetically. Without awaiting a reply, I was out of my chair and out the door.

. . . and Snape was half-way down the hall. Damn, that man walks fast.

I tried to run after him but couldn't. Having hardly worn heels, I nearly broke my ankle trying to take anything more than baby steps.

So I slipped them off.

Stiletto straps hanging from two hooked fingers, I ran (lady-like, I hoped) after him. 'Severus! Wait!'

He turned just as I reached him. Looking highly annoyed, he warned, 'Miss Granger . . .'

I don't know what he thought I was going to say and I didn't inquire on it too long.

Instead, I smiled up at him. 'I just wanted to thank you. For being so great about this, and all. And helping so much. Even though I annoy you.' My breaths were coming out in puffs and in, in gasps.

'Yeah,' he sneered, 'Well, don't make me regret it more than I already do.' But more than his usual sneer, he looked angry. Really angry. Like, the sneering was keeping him from choking me. Just barely.

'I promise not to lay a finger on him and to have him back by curfew,' I jested.

He frowned.

'And . . .' I tried to continue it but Snape interrupted.

'Miss Granger, I have left my flat so that you two can be alone and you are out here babbling to me. See a problem with that?' He cocked an eyebrow.

. . . oh. I left poor Icarus alone. Quickly, I said, 'Right, well, I just wanted to thank you for, you know, helping and--'

'Being great, yes, yes, I know. Now _go_,' he ordered.

Then I did something I never thought I'd do. And I did it because I was so very grateful and overcome with joy.

I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed.

Yep. I hugged Severus Snape.

His response?

A groan as though he just heard a terrible tune.

Before he could hex me, I released him and grinned up at him.

'Bye!'

Though not at full speed, I ran back to his office door.

Taking a few deep breaths, I composed myself and walked in.

Icarus stood up upon my arrival. His grin faltered as he took in my appearance. 'Are you OK?' he wanted to know.

I was breathing normally and my hair had managed to stay in place (mostly) so I was confused by his concern. 'Yeah, why?'

He pulled out my chair and, as I sat down, answered, 'Well, your face if flushed and you aren't wearing your shoes.'

I was still holding them. Oops.

Flushing, I put them on. 'Yes, I'm fine.' I purposefully didn't tell him why they were off and why I was flushed (as he clearly wanted to know) because that meant I'd have to tell him I had his brother setting us up.

I know its not very mature. Oh well.

Fortunately, he didn't inquire further and sat down. Shortly thereafter, we dug in.

The food? Delicious, I don't think I have to tell you. I nearly fainted from the taste. Plus, I love Italian food anyway.

When I was done, I looked over at Icarus. Surprisingly, his plate was still full. And he was ogling at me over his fork.

Without a word, he shook his head incredulously and continued eating.

Just as I was debating going to the kitchen to get seconds, there was a silent _popping_ sound. I looked at my plate to discover that it was again full.

_I love that man._

'What man?' Icarus wanted to know.

You might laugh but I swear I thought for a second that he read my mind. I realised, however, that I actually just said it out loud.

'Snape - Severus, I mean. For the food. And the automatically-filling plates.' As he chuckled, I, mortified, shoveled food into my mouth lady-like. At least, I held my pinkie up.

When we were done (and I felt like exploding), we moved to the parlour to talk.

Well, I talked. He mostly listened.

And I am completely dense because it took me a bit to realise that his face was probably not getting bigger. It was, in fact, moving closer.

I know, durr, right?

So, smartly, I shut up and . . . we kissed.

Don't get me wrong. I mean, he was a pretty decent kisser. Not that I've had a lot of experience or anything but from what I figured, he wasn't bad.

But it was strangely . . . anti-climatic.

I mean, my heart sped up when I realised what we were about to do (finally) but when it happened, it was like, 'oh, ok.'

Instead of 'Va-va-vrooom!'

Icarus was the first to speak. And it took me a second to process his words.

He asked, his voice quiet and gentle, 'You didn't feel anything, did you?'

At first, I wondered if I was supposed to feel an extra tongue or something. Then I realised what he meant. I felt really bad about it but I answered honestly. 'No.'

He combed his fingers through his hair. 'Me neither.'

'Really?' I felt much better about it. I wasn't even hurt.

He smirked and my stomach toppled over. _Stop it! _I ordered it. Because I had the same feeling I had after I dated Ron. That feeling that I actually didn't love him. Not like _that_.

'I have a confession to make,' he said after a pause. His dark eyes met mine. 'I'm in love with my ex-girlfriend.' Then he grimaced. 'Ugh. Smooth, Icarus, real smooth. I'm sorry, Hermione.'

I shook my head. 'You're fine.' And he was.

Sighing, he rested his head on his hand. 'See, I thought if I went out and dated other people, I'd forget about Matilda. But girl after girl . . . they each just reminded me of her. Or I'd wish they were like her. And I met you and you were perfect! Very unlike her but also beautiful and smart. And for once, I wasn't thinking of her. . . Until I kissed you. I am _really _sorry.' Boy, did he look like he felt worse than dirt.

I hurried to assure him that I was fine and not angry or hurt at all. 'And,' I added, 'I don't have feelings for you either.'

He chuckled. 'Oh, that I figured.'

I wondered at this and told him.

Reminding me of a fourteen-year-old, he rolled his eyes. 'Oh, come off it. You obviously have a thing for my brother.'

My heart, which had been mid-pump, suddenly deflated like a balloon. Stammering, I demanded, 'T-tell me you ha-have more than one brot-brother.'

'Nope.' He smiled. 'Just the one.'

He thought I fancied Snape! 'That's _preposterous_! I don't like your brother. I mean, h-he's _Snape!_' I snorted (unattractively). 'I mean, get real. Seriously, he's . . . t-too tall.'

With mocking eyes, he drawled, 'Oh, _compelling _argument. Apparently, the fact that I'm taller than him didn't matter?'

As I struggled to back-peddle, he just laughed.

'Like I said, he's _Snape_. Professor Snape! I j-just . . .' My heart, re-inflated, was now beating up my lungs, it felt like.

'Hermione.'

'What?' I practically snapped.

'Every time we talked, you talked about him. Any questions you had for me, were about him.'

Oh _god_! 

You might wonder how someone could not know they liked someone. I wonder that too. But when I thought about it, all the things I liked about Icarus, were the things he had in common with his brother. And how, when I'd hugged Snape in the corridor a bit ago, I'd felt more than when I snogged Icarus.

I felt a lot more.

And Icarus was just Snape 2.0.

'That's one way to put it, I suppose,' agreed he.

_Drat! I need to learn to keep my thoughts _in_side!_

Thankfully, that one _did _stay inside.

The following did not.

'Oh man, what am I going to do? I can't like him! It's suicide!' I tried to reason it. 'Maybe it's just an infatuation. Yeah, that sounds good. Or maybe, maybe it's just lust. I'm just warm for his form.'

That sounded very plausible.

Icarus chimed in, 'Normally, I'd say if that were the case then just go hit on him. Because no single guy is going to turn down a shag with an attractive woman. However, I think Severus is too moral for that. You know, since he threatened to hex off my bullocks if I touched you in any way.'

'He did that?' I glowed at this.

'Yeah, probably still thinks of you as his student.'

Drat.

Let me not bore you with the rest of the evening. The conversation merely turned to him and his beloved and how he planned on seeing her the next day. We decided to be friends, and I could see him as one I'd like to keep. Eventually, we parted with a hug.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

'I want you to meet her.'

I nearly shit myself. There I'd been, grading papers in a seemingly empty room and suddenly, Icarus was standing in front of me.

'Sheesh! Did you have to scare me like that??' I asked, willing myself from having a heart attack.

He grinned. 'No.'

As I caught my breath, he continued. 'Matilda and I are having supper tonight and I'd like you to come meet her.'

'Oh, so things turned out well when you saw her today?'

Looking like a boy on Christmas, he nodded. 'Yes. It appears that she had feelings for me too. The whole time.'

'Good for you!' I meant it, too. 'I'd love to come to supper but don't you guys want time alone?'

'Nah. We had plenty of time earlier today.' The grin was both secretive and salacious. Then he enticed, 'I'll be paying.'

'Well, free food? Why not? I'd love to go.'

Satisfied, he told me where and when and I said I'd meet them there.

Though after he left, I realised I had the same conundrum I'd had the night prior:

I had nothing to wear. I mean, I had the dress Madame Malkin made for me but I couldn't wear that two days in a row.

All I had left was Grand-mum's black dress.

Oh, bother. It'd have to do. Good thing the restaurant was a fancy one.

Ok, so I _did_ have something to wear. But it was meant for a date, not for meeting your colleague's brother's ex/new girlfriend.

But I had no other choice. So when it came time, I pulled that on and applied (Le gasp!) eye makeup. I looked in the mirror and was pleased with the results. I also slipped on shoes with a lower heel so that I didn't nearly snap my ankle with each step.

With plenty of time left, I made my way out of the castle.

. . . And I nearly ran right into another person while turning a corner.

I nearly fainted right there. Because the person I'd ran into was you-guessed-it Severus Snape.

Wearing a black-on-black suit. With a black tie.

Can you say swoon?

As I was taking in his appearance, Snape was taking in mine. 'Where are you going?' he wanted to know.

'Oh, I'm going to go meet Icarus for dinner.'

This warranted me a very confused expression from Snape.

I asked him what was wrong.

'Icarus invited me to dinner as a thanks.'

He hadn't mentioned Snape.

'Well, he wanted me to meet his girlfriend.'

'Girlfriend?!' Snape parroted. 'What girlfriend?'

I explained about last night. Minus the whole me-realising-I-was-in-love-with-Severus part. I managed to leave that out.

After I was finished, Snape asked, 'And you are fine with this?'

I shrugged and decided to tell him part of the truth. 'I realised that I was in love with someone else. And Icarus had the qualities of that person. We've decided to be friends.'

He still looked perplexed. 'So, you are going to meet Matilda. Why did he invite me? And lie about it. I feel like I'm being set up but I can't figure out why.'

I could.

But I didn't have to answer because at that moment, I heard a pig squeal.

Then I realised that it was a shriek from down the hall. I turned to see Ginny hobbling. And she was headed toward us, a worried Harry in tow.

When she reached us, she was all smiles. Namely toward Snape.

'So this,' she asked me, 'is Icarus.'

'He looks just like Professor Snape,' grumbled Harry. 'How can you be attracted to him if he looks just like Snape?'

Ginny hit her husband in the chest. 'No, his chin is different, see? He looks kinder too.'

Severus glowered at the pair. Then, to me, he ground out, 'I'll meet you by the door, Miss Granger.'

The redhead gasped. 'And he calls you that too!'

As soon as Snape was gone, I rounded on them. 'You know, sometimes I really wonder at the intelligence of you two.'

Both looked confused.

I elaborated. 'That _was _Professor Snape. We are going to meet Icarus and Matilda.'

'Matilda?' echoed Harry. 'Who's that?'

Briefly, I gave them the same version of events that I gave Severus.

'Ohhhh,' was their reply.

'Now, would you two like to walk me to the door?'

Unfortunately, I didn't get away so quickly. I mean, I wanted to tell Ginny about the whole Severus Revelation but I didn't want to tell Harry. I mean, he was kind of biased toward the man.

However, as we walked, Ginny's questioning about how I dealt with the 'let-down' wore me thin until, just around the corner from the entrance, I decided to tell them.

In a low voice, I hissed, 'I realised that I loved someone else, alright?'

'Who?' asked Ginny. At the same time, Harry wondered, 'Ron?'

I shook my head.

_Here goes . . . _

'No,' I hissed conspiratorially. Then I jerked my thumb toward the entrance.

Ginny peeked very obviously around the corner. I hoped Snape's attention hadn't been on this particular corner.

When her gaze landed on mine, Ginny's was twice my size.

'You are kidding.'

I shook my head again. 'No. I'm not. I really am in love with him.'

'But couldn't you have picked someone more obtainable like . . . I don't know . . . Prince William?'

Harry, apparently unaware of where we were and who was over there, looked around the corner. Then he jerked back as though a viper had snapped at his face.

'You're in love with Snape??? _Professor _Snape?' He asked incredulously.

Except he didn't ask. Nooo, that would have been too easy. No, he bellowed it. And a glance around the corner told me Snape had heard his outcry.

And was headed in my direction.

_I need new friends_.

Ginny, looking like a frightened rabbit, grabbed Harry by the sleeve. 'I think it's time for us to pay Hagrid a visit.' And without another word, she hobbled off with surprising speed, dragging her husband.

Leaving me alone.

I turned around to try to head Snape off to find him right there at my nose.

_Ow._

Rubbing the tip, I avoided his Cheshire grin. 'Well, we best be going to supper. Don't want to be late.'

I sounded like my mother.

My attempt to skirt around him was thwarted when he grabbed my arm. It wasn't a very firm grip, but it stopped me nonetheless.

Forced to meet his eyes, I reiterated, 'We're going to be late.'

His expression was very hard. That's the only way I can describe it. It was the look he gave me, not his grip on my arm, that held me in place. 'Miss Granger, why did Potter yell that?'

'Yell what?' _Eyes wide, lips pouting, bat those eyes! _I figured/hoped he might have misheard.

'"You're in love with Snape???" At least, I'm assuming he wasn't talking to Miss Weasely.'

. . . damn.

I was _so_ tempted to say that he was. However, I knew that would only blow up in my face.

Especially since she didn't do anything wrong.

But I did lie.

'That's not what he said.'

One inky eyebrow shot up.

'Yes, he said . . .' I searched my brain for a similar sounding phrase. 'He said . . . "For above the snake . . . endeavor Snake!" See, it's a poem.'

_Look innocent, look innocent!_

'You expect me to believe that.'

Sheepishly, I admitted, 'I hoped.'

I tried my other tactic again. 'Well, your brother is waiting!'

Except Severus pinned me to a wall, one hand on each side of my head. Unfortunately, it wasn't to snog me.

'Miss Granger, we aren't going anywhere until you explain.'

His words were angry but his voice wasn't. He sounded . . . worried.

I tried to reason with him. 'Listen, can't you just let this go? Please?'

Feverishly, he shook his head. 'No. Tell me.'

Because I was particularly dumb at that moment, I decided to tell him the truth. 'Ok. He did say that I was in love with you.'

Severus's expression said, _duh._

'. . . and he wasn't lying.'

He just stared at me, as though trying to figure out what sort of creature I was.

So I started babbling. 'But I can assure you that I'm under no delusions whatsoever that you're attracted to me. So I'm not going to be following you around like a puppy or anything. In fact, I fully plan on acting as I have been. And I won't tell anyone else, I promise. So can you please not make a big deal of it?' I sounded desperate and rightly so.

Snape combed his fingers though his hair. 'Why didn't you tell me this before?'

'I didn't realise it until last night. Icarus helped me realise it.'

' . . . and you were into him because he was as close to me as you could get.'

'Right. Now, can we go?' I begged.

Snape didn't move his hand from beside my head. The one in his hair returned to the spot on the other side. 'Why didn't you tell me this as soon as you found out?'

_Is he serious?_

'Quite.'

_Damn_.

'You honestly expect me to just come up and tell you?'

He didn't answer. 'Why me?'

I shrugged, even though there were a billion reasons.

'Are you sure? What if it's a mistake, as with my brother?'

'It's not.' I told him. _Why are we doing this?_

'It had better not be,' he warned.

And suddenly, he was kissing me.

And I stood there like a mannequin. About as intelligent as one too.

Finally, I pushed him back. 'Wait, what are you saying?'

'I'm not saying; I'm kissing.' He tried to go at it again but held him off. Not easy considering his height. And my wanting to kiss him too. But after a two-day hiatus, my brain returned.

'You're attracted to me too?'

Gasping for air, he replied, 'Yes, of course. And before you asked, I set you up with my brother figuring that it might help me get over you. Because usually, any woman my brother dates becomes instantly ugly to me. However, it didn't work for your case. Especially when you showed up in that.' He eyed my outfit very hard.

And then I was no longer in shock. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and, only vaguely marveling at how I never would have seen myself doing so, kissed him so hard, it made me dizzy.

'Ten points from both your houses!'

I nearly leaped over Snape in shock when a voice trilled that into my ear.

I turned to see a very wide-eyed Minerva.

'Severus? _Hermione??_' Her gaze flitted from me to Severus. 'I thought you were students!'

I was still too star-struck to speak. Severus, however, wasn't. 'Apologies, Minerva. We shouldn't be loitering in the corridors. We're just heading out.'

Flashing me a you-better-explain-later, Minerva said only, 'Alright, you two have a good night.'

Severus started leading me to the door but I grabbed his sleeve.

'You know the whole reason Icarus invited us to dinner right?' I asked. 'To set us up.' On it's vacation, my brain seemed to pick up a heaping glob of courage.

Severus nodded.

'Well, that work is done so . . . what's the point of going? Besides, there's a debate going on that I'd like to settle once and for all.'

I was lying of course, but it seemed like a good idea.

'What debate?' he wanted to know, clearly not on to me.

'The length of your wand, of course.' I started off in the direction of his quarters. 'Either way,' I called. 'I bet it's _hard_wood.'

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_A/N: BAH! I couldn't resist a good wand innuendo. Can you blame me?_

This isn't as good as the first chapter, in my opinion but I'm pretty happy with it.

I changed the plot (entirely) but originally, I was going to reveal that Matilda is Madame Malkin. But of course, you are all v. brilliant and probably figured it out already.

More updates are on the way for my other stories. But don't expect them daily because I'm also writing a novel.

Thanks for those who have stuck with me!


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